As some of you might've picked up, I'm currently working at the local library, doing what most "librarians" do: I scan books in and out of the system, order books from elsewhere that we don't have, organize them and stuff them back in their shelves. Might sound like a rather systematic and tedious job, but frankly I love it. It might have something to do with my love of books - I suspect my mom started reading to me even before I saw the light of day, she left us a rather big book collection too, and I feel that I spent way more time in the library growing up than any average kid. I also suspect that because I learned to read early, I could watch english movies with subtitles ( which I strictly wasn't allowed to watch, like Jaws at the age of 6 or 7) and learn english more quickly. But that's just my theory.
Claiming that I've wanted to be many things, might be a bit of an understatement. The first things I remember wanting to be was either a fighter pilot, a native-American Indian or a police officer. My poor eyesight and wonky corneas ruled out the first, my strictly Norwegian and Swedish ancestors quickly ruled out the second, and my innate laziness ruled out the third. Then it was the space-age. Imagine working with space launches and shuttles, or on a telescope station... Oh, I need to be a maths genius for that? No deal.
So logically I moved on to archeology. Somehow, brushing dust of old ruins, pots and pans or bones seemed unbelievably exciting to me, probably because I've always liked history, I even tried studying it, but 6 months studying it at university sapped the joy out of academic history to me - I'll stick to books and movies, thank you.
When I went to high school some years earlier, I studied medias and communications, and I loved those three years. Learning about design, photography, journalism, filming, text composition and advertising was incredibly fun, but sadly I didn't magically discover any huge talent in any of these areas - the closest would've been the journalism, but I'm not curious or interested enough for that. And I hate the idea of having to go around with a portfolio and "sell myself" like a product, I just don't have that kind of self-confidence in me.
After a month in Africa, all I wanted to do was go back and work, and my first thought was to study development and the 3rd world. Of course I didn't get in at the study I wanted, that was why I ended up with history for 6 months, and when I researched it a bit more I figured that the place I'd most likely end up after studying that, would be some Ministry of Foreign relations office, or an embassy. Swimming around in papers? No thanks.
"It doesn't have to be that hard, stop waiting for some voice from the heavens or finding your calling. You like computers, no? Well, there you go. Study computer science!" My sister said. All righty then, sounds fair enough, she's older and naturally more wise then me. I took a pre-course in mathematics (a field we've already established I'm not exactly a genius in), passed, and started. Programming with C++ was all jolly exciting, I loved the "problem solving" of it, right up until the point where I didn't understand it anymore. Then we got engineering and abstract mathematics on top of it all, and combine that with my thousandth depression, and you have a crash and burn situation. I acknowledged my limitations and left after three months.
After that I haven't tried my hand at studying, I decided I had to clear my brain out before I would be able to function at school, so since then I've been working part time and going through therapy and treatment. For a while I worked at a senior citizens home, which I believe is the political correct term. I sort of liked it, I'm a caring person, I liked helping people who need it and I felt a sense of accomplishment. "Stop fooling around, you've been nagging about going back to Africa for years, become a nurse, then you can go back. And you have plenty of options in Norway too." That was a friend of mine trying to kick some sense of direction into me. I listened, and thought I'd decided. A nurse. I didn't want to work with old people, I wanted to be in a real hospital. Then I could go back to Africa and help kids with malnutrition and AIDS, give them food and shots and do something for humanity. If everyone says "There's nothing you can do about it, why bother?", naturally nothing would ever happen. And when I came back I could specialize. Maybe the intensive care unit? Cancer? Oh, or kids! I love newborns. Maybe mid-wife? The options seemed endless, and I finally calmed down for a year, concentrating on getting better.
Then I got this job. I feel I was sort of environmentally destined to be here. My mom loved books. My sister wanted to be a librarian (but didn't become one, weirdly enough thanks to mom). I've grown up around books, partly in this very library. And for the first time I like going to work. I don't monitor the clock every 15 minutes (like now, for instance, I was finished 38 minutes ago), I don't feel the need to sit down in a quiet area every hour just to catch my breath, the people I work with has a sense of humor and actually gives me praise for the work I do. So, what does that mean? Should I become a librarian? And there I go again...
Friday, August 8, 2008
'Scuse me... What?
Read a few articles online this morning that made me stare vacantly into space, blink, then going "Wait.. What?" And not because I'm tired.
The first article could inform me that a girl from Rwanda in her twenties was brutally raped and beaten up for over 2 hours at a refugee center in Rjukan, Norway, by a iraqi man. Bleh. What's wrong with people?! There were no employees at the center, because it was a weekend, and they didn't even arrest the guy, just moved him to another facility: the police thought there wasnt' any risk that he would do it again... Yes, clearly, he isn't liable to do anything like that.
Slightly less seriously was the story of a 28 year old who got his car deliberately crashed three times on European Highway 6 in northern Norway. A BMW came from behind at high velocity and crashed into him, and when he pulled over to call the emergency, the BMW also came to a halt and backed up straight into his car again. The clearly annoyed driver jumped out screaming "aren't you afraid to die?", jumped back in and backed into him yet again before taking off. Clearly an extreme case of road rage? Well, maybe, but one sentence in this article made me puzzled: "Greger got a bit of a surprise when he looked into he rear-view mirror after overtaking a BMW in a 80 kilometre an hour zone yesterday." Anyone stop to think that the 28 year old Greger might have done a very dangerous overtaking maneuver? A reckless maneuver that was the final poke at another mans already frayed mental state, a move that just really ticked the bloke off?
Finally I want to mention an article which deals with a case that is very explosive and sensitive. And because no one ever can be sure what happened, it's impossible to ever prove anyone wrong or right, but that didn't prevent me from reacting. 17 years ago we had something called "The Bjugn-case" going on in Norway - Ulf Hammern who was working at a kindergarten was accused of "alleged sexual abuse" against the kids at his work place. The whole thing blew totally out of porportions in an instant, eventually involving over 36 named kids, and leading to the arrest of 7 people, including the police chief in Bjugn itself, along with Hammerns wife and two employees at the kindergarten. Only Hammern ended up in trial, and was eventually acquitted of all charges. A horde of so called "competent people" had concluded that the children had been molested, but the court felt it couldn't trust these statements. Ok, fine, the case was a witchhunt, and no one can ever prove it one way or the other. What bothers me now is the article I read today, where a 20 year old girl who was one of the 10 kids Hammern was charged of molesting, says she's going to sue Hammern for "offending her honor". He had said in an interview that he thought the kids involved in the trial 17 year ago might've been "brainwashed" by their parents and all the professional people (psychiatrists, doctors etc) who had interrogated the kids (the art of suggestion can work wonders on a childs mind). She found this statement so offensive to her and her family that she, after much consideration, has decided to sue. First of all: let sleeping dogs lie? Come on people, this many years later no one can prove anything, why go poking at it with a stick? And that goes for both the young girl and Hammern. Secondly I have to ask myself what's the worst: Publicly being accused of being brainwashed when you went to kindergarten, or being accused of molesting 10 kids? If anyone has the right to be offended and generally pissed off, it surely should be Hammern?
All in all - three articles that made me question human kind that much more.
The first article could inform me that a girl from Rwanda in her twenties was brutally raped and beaten up for over 2 hours at a refugee center in Rjukan, Norway, by a iraqi man. Bleh. What's wrong with people?! There were no employees at the center, because it was a weekend, and they didn't even arrest the guy, just moved him to another facility: the police thought there wasnt' any risk that he would do it again... Yes, clearly, he isn't liable to do anything like that.
Slightly less seriously was the story of a 28 year old who got his car deliberately crashed three times on European Highway 6 in northern Norway. A BMW came from behind at high velocity and crashed into him, and when he pulled over to call the emergency, the BMW also came to a halt and backed up straight into his car again. The clearly annoyed driver jumped out screaming "aren't you afraid to die?", jumped back in and backed into him yet again before taking off. Clearly an extreme case of road rage? Well, maybe, but one sentence in this article made me puzzled: "Greger got a bit of a surprise when he looked into he rear-view mirror after overtaking a BMW in a 80 kilometre an hour zone yesterday." Anyone stop to think that the 28 year old Greger might have done a very dangerous overtaking maneuver? A reckless maneuver that was the final poke at another mans already frayed mental state, a move that just really ticked the bloke off?
Finally I want to mention an article which deals with a case that is very explosive and sensitive. And because no one ever can be sure what happened, it's impossible to ever prove anyone wrong or right, but that didn't prevent me from reacting. 17 years ago we had something called "The Bjugn-case" going on in Norway - Ulf Hammern who was working at a kindergarten was accused of "alleged sexual abuse" against the kids at his work place. The whole thing blew totally out of porportions in an instant, eventually involving over 36 named kids, and leading to the arrest of 7 people, including the police chief in Bjugn itself, along with Hammerns wife and two employees at the kindergarten. Only Hammern ended up in trial, and was eventually acquitted of all charges. A horde of so called "competent people" had concluded that the children had been molested, but the court felt it couldn't trust these statements. Ok, fine, the case was a witchhunt, and no one can ever prove it one way or the other. What bothers me now is the article I read today, where a 20 year old girl who was one of the 10 kids Hammern was charged of molesting, says she's going to sue Hammern for "offending her honor". He had said in an interview that he thought the kids involved in the trial 17 year ago might've been "brainwashed" by their parents and all the professional people (psychiatrists, doctors etc) who had interrogated the kids (the art of suggestion can work wonders on a childs mind). She found this statement so offensive to her and her family that she, after much consideration, has decided to sue. First of all: let sleeping dogs lie? Come on people, this many years later no one can prove anything, why go poking at it with a stick? And that goes for both the young girl and Hammern. Secondly I have to ask myself what's the worst: Publicly being accused of being brainwashed when you went to kindergarten, or being accused of molesting 10 kids? If anyone has the right to be offended and generally pissed off, it surely should be Hammern?
All in all - three articles that made me question human kind that much more.
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