To tattoo? Or not to?

Thoughts about a new tattoo has been simmering around in my mind ever since I got the first one. The one I got 2 years ago was a symbol I'd wanted for years, it's Tolkien´s "logo", and represents his initials J.R.R.T. I didn't have it done just because I love his books, but just as much for the fact that Tolkien signifies a connection to my mom, as she began to read the Hobbit for me when I was a little kid, and got me interested in reading in general. Having a personal symbolism behind a tattoo is always nice, otherwise it's just.. nothing. "Oh well, I slapped this here tribal on me arm because I though 'twas perdy..." *shakes head* Oh yeah, and you wanted to look cool, right? *sighs*

Ok, I'm not going to get into fights with anyone, people can do whatever they want with their bodies, however ugly, gross or wierd, I'm not to decide. Like my momma said about me: "she can wear a lampshade on her head as long as she doesn't shoot heroine or rob banks". And I have to admit that some tattoos look beautiful even without any particular meaning, but for me personally I wouldn't want to engrave anything remotely permanent on my body without it meaning something to me beyond "perdy to look at".

I've said for a long time that when I get better, mentally, feel that I can manage at least some parts of my life, and feel like I'm done with being depressed and feeling like a failure, I'll get a tattoo. To mark the occasion, at least for myself. And I have to admit, it might be a bit early, but I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. And that's a big step up! *cheers*

The two tattoos I want are actually things I've stumbled upon these last few days. The idea started with one - originally it was meant to be either a monkey (!) or a demon. The monkey came from the expression "a monkey on my back", which is a feeling you can relate to when you're constantly bugged with depressions and mood swings, this horrible nasty being you can't shake, but you can't quite reach it to beat the living daylights out of it either. If I didn't fint a suitable monkey I would've gone with a demon. "A demon on my back" works just as well, and the meaning is about the same. Anxiety and depressions bordering on psychosis often gets you in touch with the horrible parts of ones self. But here I'm getting all deep and emotional. That wasn't the point.

Anyhoo - lately I've changed my mind a bit. Firstly because I haven't found a suitable monkey and/or demon to tattoo, and secondly because I've found a substitute! I've been listening manically to Depeche Mode lately, and watching them on my new DVD, and has fallen in love with a logo of theirs; the Featherman. After watching the interviews on the same DVD, hearing the symbolism behind it, I thought "hm, this could be a cool tattoo". And I guess that Featherman could be a nice symbol of how it would feel to become mentally "well", light as feathers and ready to fly. And I found a graphic that combined the Featherman with the rose from "Enjoy the Silence", and I loved it. It's my little homage to Depeche, it has a personal symbolism to me, and it looks wierd and unusual!

While watching that famous dvd I couldn't help but notice Dave Gahan's tattoos, and did a little research on them. I really liked the one he had on his chest, and luckily found some good pictures and info on it. It's portraying a phoenix (all of you who's read Harry Potter knows what they are, right?), a bird that bursts into flame when it's time for them to die, only to be reborn in their own ashes. The whole symbolism of rebirth appealed to me - in Dave Gahan's case it symbolizes his own spiritual rebirth, or so I've been told. Maybe the phoenix could represent some kind of rebirth for me too - a mental one. A change in my life, in my mindset. And when it comes down to it, i just think the tattoo is damn beautiful. That's always a good last argument, right?

Nowadays I'm mailing a few tattoo studios in Oslo, and trying to figure out where to place the two. I'd like to have the Featherman on the lower part of my calf, ideally, and it won't be very big either. But the phoenix is a bit more of a problem. I'm not brave enough to cover my chest or lower back with a tattoo, I might be getting pregnant some time in the insanely distant future, and stretched and broken tattoos due to pregnancy can't be perdy. I'd love to size it down and place it on my shoulder blade, but I already have one on my neck.. Bah, I'll check with the person who probably know's best - the ink man.

Any comments or objections to these plans?